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- Alex LevineMy luck is so bad that if I bought a cemetery, people would stop dying.- Rodney DangerfieldMoney can't buy you happiness ... But it does bring you a more pleasant form of misery.- Spike MilliganUntil I was thirteen, I thought my name was SHUT UP.- Joe NamathI don't feel old. I don't feel anything until noon. Then it's time for my nap.- Bob HopeI never drink water because of the disgusting things that fish do in it...- W. C. FieldsWe could certainly slow the aging process down if it had to work its way through Congress.- Will RogersDon't worry about avoiding temptation. As you grow older, it will avoid you.- Winston ChurchillMaybe it's true that life begins at fifty ... But everything else starts to wear out, fall out, or spread out...- Phyllis DillerBy the time a man is wise enough to watch his step, he's too old to go anywhere.- Billy CrystalAnd the cardiologist's diet: - If it tastes good spit it out.May your troubles be less, may your blessings be more, andmay nothing. "What a pair, we fall at the first hurdle. We should have brought a tape measure.”We strolled around the shop, trying to avoid giggling at our incompetence and avoiding being too shocked at what we saw. There were no tape measures visible. We left the shop in search of a haberdashery. The sex shop was on an out of town trading estate so we ended up taking half an hour to find somewhere that sold more conventional apparel and a tape measure.“Find somewhere private we can park,” Carol said when we got back in the car.“Why?”“Find somewhere and you’ll see.”Early afternoon on a weekday, where the hell could we go? The sex shop didn’t close for hours, so there was no urgency. Time enough to drive a few miles. I headed out into the country trying to remember a little wood off the beaten track.I had a vague memory of taking a girlfriend there years ago. That was back before satnavs and I had no idea what the place was called. I didn’t even know if it had a name. I should have told Carol to.
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